Feeling tongue-tied in meetings, struggling to say no, or finding it tricky to get your voice heard at work? You are not alone. Many of us in the UK find assertiveness a challenge, especially when we want to be seen as approachable and a team player. But here is the good news: assertiveness is a skill anyone can develop and it is your secret weapon for confident communication, better relationships and a big boost in workplace wellbeing. Grab a cuppa, get comfy, and let us dive into practical, down-to-earth tips for building your assertiveness at work!
What Does Assertiveness Mean (and What It Does Not)?
Assertiveness is all about expressing your thoughts, feelings and needs openly, honestly and respectfully, while also valuing the views of others. It sits bang in the middle of the scale between being passive (keeping quiet, avoiding conflict) and being aggressive (steamrolling over people). Assertive people speak up for themselves without putting anyone else down. They set boundaries, give feedback and ask for what they need, but always with a healthy dose of empathy and respect. Remember, assertiveness is not about being bossy or rude. It is about being clear, direct and kind – and that is a combination that can transform your work life.
Tip 1: Use Clear, Positive Language
One of the hallmarks of assertiveness is using language that is both clear and positive. Swap out vague hints or apologetic phrases for statements that show you are confident in your views and open to discussion. For example, instead of saying, “I might be wrong, but…” try “I see it this way…” or “My suggestion is…” This simple shift in language instantly changes the way people perceive your message. Positive language is also about making requests, not demands. “Could we look at this another way?” lands far better than “You are doing it wrong.”
Practice: Next time you have an idea in a meeting, state it simply and directly. Notice the difference in how people respond.
Tip 2: Master the Magic of ‘I’ Statements
Assertive communicators make great use of ‘I’ statements. These help you own your feelings and needs, rather than blaming or putting others on the spot. For example, “I feel concerned when deadlines are missed, as it affects the team,” instead of “You never finish anything on time!” ‘I’ statements help keep conversations constructive and reduce the chances of defensive reactions. They are especially handy when giving feedback or dealing with tricky situations.
Practice: Next time something is bothering you at work, frame your feedback with “I feel… when… because…” and watch how it keeps the mood positive.
Tip 3: Get Comfortable with Saying No (Without Guilt)
Saying no is tough, especially in a team where everyone pulls together. But saying yes to everything leads to overload, stress and, ultimately, resentment. Assertiveness at work means knowing your limits and communicating them kindly but firmly. Try “I would love to help, but my plate is full right now. Could we revisit this next week?” or “I am not able to take this on, but I can recommend someone who might be able to help.”
Practice: Think of a small request you could politely decline this week. Notice how it feels to set a boundary, and how others respond. Most colleagues will respect your honesty!
Tip 4: Use Assertive Body Language
It is not just what you say – it is how you say it. Assertive body language is open and relaxed. Stand or sit tall, make comfortable eye contact and keep your voice calm and steady. Avoid crossing your arms, fidgeting or looking at the floor. These little tweaks send a big signal that you are confident and ready to engage. Smiling (when genuine) also helps to disarm tense situations and keeps the atmosphere friendly.
Practice: At your next meeting, focus on your posture and eye contact. Notice if people seem to listen more closely or respond more positively when you appear confident.
Tip 5: Handle Pushback with Calm and Curiosity
Even the most assertive people get pushback from time to time. The trick is to stay calm, listen carefully and avoid getting defensive. Thank the person for their feedback, ask questions to understand their view and respond thoughtfully. You might say, “I hear your concerns. Can you tell me more about what is worrying you?” or “Let us look at both sides and see if we can find some common ground.”
Practice: If someone disagrees with you, pause before responding. Acknowledge their point and ask a curious question. This not only defuses tension but also shows you value their input.
Tip 6: Practise, Practise, Practise!
No one becomes assertive overnight – it takes practice, reflection and a bit of courage. Start with small steps, like speaking up in a team catch-up or giving gentle feedback to a colleague. Celebrate your wins, and do not be too hard on yourself when things do not go perfectly. The more you use your assertiveness muscle, the stronger it gets. Ask for feedback from trusted colleagues and keep track of your progress.
Practice: Set yourself a simple assertiveness goal for this week. Maybe it is sharing an idea, setting a boundary or giving positive feedback. At the end of the week, reflect on how it went and what you learned.
Ready to Unlock Your Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is not about changing who you are – it is about using your voice, building confidence and creating a more positive workplace for everyone. If you are keen to build your assertiveness skills in a fun, supportive environment, our Assertiveness Skills Training Course is the perfect next step. You will get to practise real-life scenarios, pick up actionable techniques and become a more confident communicator. Find out more and book your place here – your future self will thank you!
