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Why Be More Positive
Having a positive attitude can have an amazing impact on your life, your work and the relationships we have with others.
But, what is attitude? It’s defined at ‘a settled way of thinking or feeling about something‘. This means that it’s a choice rather than something natural. Then, the more we think that way the more it becomes an unconscious choice.
Making more conscious choices about things or about your attitude toward things means you begin to feel less negative. You need to take control of your decisions and you can see the impact of this by taking a look at a model called Betari Box.
It’s a very famous model often looked at in Assertiveness Skills Courses and in counselling. It’s such a simple approach but can have a profound affect.
Betari Box works on the understanding that we all have the ability to choose an attitude. Imagine waking up first thing on a morning, we very quickly fall into the routine we normally carry out. Unconsciously we probably begin making decisions about how our day will go based on our experience of the previous day, in other words we unconsciously choose an attitude.
The Betari Box model describes that actually we have the ability to choose this attitude consciously. If we actually give it thought we can begin to choose what kind of attitude we want to demonstrate.
You might say ‘Yeah but, that’s fine but what about when you walk out the door and it’s raining or someone cuts me up at a roundabout, that ruins my day’. It does, but…..
If we have the ability to choose an attitude, then we have the ability to choose how we respond to these situations.n If we don’t we make an unconscious choice and then this affects how we feel for the rest of the day.
The Betari Box model is simple:
My Attitude -> Affects -> My Behaviour -> Affects -> Your Attitude -> Affects -> Your Behaviour -> Affects -> My Attitude and so on.
In other words the attitude you take will affect the behaviour you demonstrate. When others see that behaviour, they then choose their attitude towards you (and probably how they will feel for the rest of the day after that) and how they will then in turn reposnd through their behaviour.
If we take time to choose the attitude we want to demonstrate, we can control the behaviour we display.
However, the model is a cycle. We could be making a really good choice to have a great attitude, but at the same day someone else might be choosing to have a bad day. If you meet them, they could influence your attitude and behaviour very quickly and you begin to copy their behaviour.
If we again make a conscience decision to choose how we react to them, we begin to take control of how we feel about everything. I use a quote ‘You choose to behave like that…..I choose to behave like this’. In other words, it’s a conscience decision in how to react. Very much like an Assertive approach, engaging your brain.
How Others Influence Our Attitude
Now, it’s not just other people that can influence your attitude. Any situation could cause this. Situations can also have the same affect. We make the same decisions when we are faced with situations and if we take just a few seconds to stop and think.
We might normally go off the wall at these things. Our behaviour will be influenced by our attitude we take towards these, and actually can completely change how we live our lives and the relationships we have. Remember, the behaviour we demonstrate will change other peoples attitudes toward you.
If you follow the model, it’s similar to dealing with people. Think ‘It’s happened, I can’t change it, what am I going to do to get on with things’.
In other words, it’s about being more proactive and looking forward instead of looking back and thinking why?
Some life events might take longer to break that cycle, but most of the day to day things we can confidently tackle and actually begin to have an influence the way we live our lives.
A great film to watch about this is called FISH! Quite expensive, but great if you can get to see it.
So, choose your attitude NOW!!!!!!